Envy and Jealousy, these are emotions which affect us all. Like most feelings, they can obtain a little of us or they can consume us. Most of us joke about being envious or jealous in a way of bragging about another person's situation. In the Bible, God says He is 'a jealous God'. This basically means He will put up with nothing that comes in His place. I have heard Oprah and others try to write that off, saying that it is 'ugly' for our God to be jealous over us. He is the only one that can truly be jealous but not sin. His is a pure jealousy. He wants what is best for us. He knows that if we put Him first in our lives then 'all other things will come' in time and, if He is truly first, then we won't be obsessed or worry about those 'things' we don't have. There is a God sized hole in us all. Nothing else can fill the void but Him. People try to fill it with a mass of other things, perishable things and relationships. They never wind up fulfilled.
It has been called the 'green eyed monster'. Hadn't really thought about it before but when you covet, want what someone else has, it begins with seeing something. I guess people who are blind can be envious but I bet that those of us who see covet things a lot more. Our eyes are able to see all that glitters and glints to us. This is not the pure jealousy of God or the joking envy of friends. The 'green eyed monster' had taken hold in Mr. B.'s heart. He was consumed with jealousy over this waitress and whatever it was he thought was her relationship with my father. In his confession, he wrote that Wednesday night...the night of his failure with the cabbages...he made up his mind. He knew that as long as my dad was around, he would get nowhere with the waitress. What he didn't know was he would have gotten nowhere anyway. For us to understand this we have to go back. Not into the waitress's history but into his own.
I don't really know anything about his upbringing. We have 'heard' ideas but small town America gives you a plethora of 'things they know' but few are facts. I know that he hadn't managed to be married or rather stay married..not sure which. He was kind of quiet. He had been arrested for standing in the top of the barn on his home place and exposing himself to the school children in the playground across the road. He had also stalked a married woman and flashed her, earning himself a restraining order and the nickname 'Flash'. Other words used to describe him were, awkward, different, strange. We all know people like this. People who we don't understand, people we keep our distance from because they are foreign to us. Generally this is a natural response, one of safety. No one that knew him and called him by name (or nickname) would ever expect all that came next.
Mr. B left the diner that night. It was evident to him that his 'relationship' with the waitress was declining. It couldn't have been anything he had done, in his mind. He had only been good to her. There had to be another reason she was more distant. He had his own ideas as to what it was. He drove out toward my dad's house again. It was late. Dad was in the bed. He parked along the lane. Maybe he sat in his truck and pondered his thoughts, or maybe he had reached our land with determination and acted immediately. I don't really know if he carried a gun in his truck or if he had to stop by his house to get it. By his confession, he took his gun and walked down the lane to the house. He picked a place in the back of our house. We have an above ground pool back there. He hid behind it and waited....
I have used the word 'our' in reference to the property a lot. Let me be clear. Dad lived alone. He lived in the house I grew up in. The property is located in family land. My dad grew up on this land also. He had lived here pretty peaceably with all around him. He felt safe here. He had traveled far and lived other places but this was home. This was where we all lived or found a refuge when needed. My dad still left his car doors unlocked at times and I grew up that way. We seldom locked anything unless we were leaving for a long period of time. He had started locking the house at night, though, I am sure there were times he went to bed and forgot to lock up. He would always secure the house when he left, but what did he have to worry about as long as he was there to watch out for everything? He had made no real enemies or so he thought.
Dawn comes late at this time of the year. Many of us are up for hours before the sun casts it's first rays. It generally comes up at 7:00 or after. My dad had to be at work by then. He woke up this morning. He was unaware of the man sleeping behind our pool. He got ready, maybe he had his coffee that morning maybe not. He was running late. Daddy was an active individual. My Grandmother has stated that he has always been that way. Full of energy. He went and did everything with a purpose and at a good clip. When he was running late his pace would quicken. Mr. B. was startled awake when he heard the slam of the door. My dad was off to work. I can imagine his heart raced as he fumbled with the gun. As he stood up ready to take aim, my dad disappeared around a corner. In the dark, he had not accounted for the porch railing or that he would not have a clear shot from this position. My dad was safe, for now. He got into his car and pulled away not knowing how near he was to death. Did he sense it? Did he toss it away as being cold? He drove down our lane and if he had not sensed Mr. B's presence then, he did now for there was his truck. That same truck from the night before. The truck of that odd guy... but what was it doing here(?) and where was he? His truck sat there empty. At this point, Daddy was alarmed. He was running late for work so he picked up his cell phone and called his brother. My uncle owns a company adjoining the family land. He would be into work soon. Dad called him and told him to 'keep an eye out' for this fellow. He told my uncle of the visit Tuesday night and about the truck sitting on our property. This would all prove profitable information. When my Uncle would get to work there would be no sign of Mr. B....
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