The week before....1

     This is a picture from the day before.  My life was semi-normal.  My day was spent running around. It was a Thursday, December 17th.  I went to a Christmas party at School for my son's  Pre-K class. We made individual Gingerbread houses, the pic. is of me and my son and his finished house.  I baked a couple of cakes that day to carry with me to work at Steel's Jewelry. ( I like to help there during the holidays.) I was trying to put together all the loose ends I had the last week before Christmas.(My week off).  I had a busy day.  I spent the evening making phone calls.  Don't really remember the importance of the calls.  I do remember I got a beep. I looked and it was a 1-800#.  I disregarded that call.  When it beeped again I didn't look...I figured it was the same thing. THis much I have pieced together....  Unbeknownst to me, the second call was my Dad.  I actually found the missed call seconds after we found out about his death in my efforts to contact my sisters in Atlanta.   I often look at that picture of myself, at school with my son.  I want to scream at myself...TAKE THE CALL YOU ARE GONNA RECEIVE TONIGHT.. or CHECK THAT SECOND CALL!!! BUT...if I could get 'in touch' with that 'self' I wouldn't be where I am today, FATHERLESS....
     I wish I knew why he called.  I wish we had that LAST conversation.  My last remembrance of him was the previous Monday(or Tuesday) when he had popped in.  I came in from my weekly trip to the grocery store dragging groceries in.  They (he, my hubby and my kids) were all piled around the TV watching a Christmas movie.  Dad was in and out of a nap.  I went into the kitchen to find that he had been into the Christmas cookies I had made, for the kids I keep, to decorate.  He LOVED sugar cookies.  I am glad I didn't fuss at him.  He awoke from his sugar-trance to come into the kitchen while I put away groceries.  He stole another cookie. He mentioned something about cookies being a good idea.  He kissed my cheek... he often did as he swiped food.  A thank-you  to make amends for the pilfering he would do in my kitchen. It was 'our way' and all things were 'understood'. He said good-bye to me and my family....That was the last I would see of him...this side of eternity. I wish I had sat beside him on the couch as he dozed.  I wish I had left the groceries, not caring if anything needed to be refridgerated or  was thawing.  I wish I had gotten a last good hug.  We are always wanting something more....I guess it is just the nature of being human....